A Few Thoughts.

I’m always trying to find anything that will define me and my personality. I think I’ve always had a slight phobia of having little character. So following through on my own interests is of high importance. Yet put on the spot to give an insight on myself and who I am is always difficult. Maybe you have to take the time to learn about yourself and your own views but I dislike the thought that people who know me wouldn’t know what to say about me. Although I think people are too concerned with themselves to think much about others, mostly people know you because they have to or for convenience, so maybe what other people think shouldn’t matter so much.

I’ve never really done much with my life and always hated feeling unhappy with my everything and who I am. So I over-think everything, which fortunately is probably a good attribute to have considering my potential career. At the age of 19 I need to stay focused. Not so long ago I was attending college doing a course that I adored, yet I wasn’t focused. This time it has to be different. If I ever want to achieve I need to put a lot of effort in. My college work and university work has to be perfect. Even if that means having no social life, no fun and limited time to do anything I enjoy, I have to stay focused. It’s for the greater good.

The future is important to me. I do like to live life to the full, although, sadly I probably never do; I’m too busy worrying. So yes, I’m a negative person. Where my negativity originates from, I’m not entirely sure. It’s just always there. The future is always a concern because there is so much to have and gain and no reassurance of if you will achieve anything at all. There is also a more specific and obvious reason that I should address; my parents have never been very encouraging and neither have maintained any decent career and therefore any decent lifestyle and my modesty warns me that I’ll be the same unless I do things differently. I want to go into Psychology and as I previously mentioned, I want to find an area of it that defines me. This is why I’m already thinking about my final project at undergraduate degree level, this is approximately four years into my future. The final project for Psychology at university is usually to do your ‘own’ work that conveys your views, concerns and individuality. I could currently name several topics for such a project, yet I still won’t be satisfied until I’ve only one idea in mind, one idea that enthralls me and captures my absolute interest. I’m already excited about starting this project, I’ve never been a perfectionist but I want this to be a masterpiece.

Having interests and hobbies that define me is not only a relief but a burden because then others are aware of what is important to you. I feel like if I wasn’t intelligent enough or dedicated enough, that people would look down on me and I would feel great shame. I can only hope that I’m good at what I love and I know that this hope is all I have…

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